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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390091">prove your strength</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/loopunderground/pseuds/loopunderground'>loopunderground</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Apex Legends (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst with a Happy Ending, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Other</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 19:42:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,804</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27390091</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/loopunderground/pseuds/loopunderground</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>They sighed in frustration, the sound muffled ever so slightly by their mask but still loud enough to be heard. Elliott squeezed their hand again in support, waiting for them to continue.</p>
<p>“I have not been demonstrating my worth.” </p>
<p> </p>
<p> </p>
<p>  <i>Hound struggles with what's happening to their home planet and their duties. Elliot tries to comfort them.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bloodhound/Mirage | Elliott Witt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>43</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>prove your strength</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this started off as an incredibly self indulgent little thing about how terribly i've played this season and then i got overwhelmed by 'hammond is tearing apart my homeworld' hound feels so it became. a slightly bigger thing</p>
<p>this is set in the same universe as i am lost, but you don't need to have read that to understand this!</p>
<p>warnings: themes of religious guilt</p>
<p>i hope you enjoy!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Evening had fallen over the medbay facilities, the game from earlier that day long since over, Champions decided, with the competitors being looked after and sent home. There were only a few nurses left fluttering about, their voices blending in with the gentle low humming of various machines. The lights overhead were as bright and stinging as always, and even though they were still in their mask, Bloodhound couldn’t bring themselves to look up from the floor, lest their headache take a turn for the worst.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They’d been knocked mid-game. Having been unable to heal themselves from a previous fight they’d ducked into a building with the hope of finding a syringe, but they’d missed Wraith hiding behind the doorway, who had then promptly shot them point black with her Mastiff. They’d not been able to blink before they’d been downed, and the rest of Wraith’s squad had finished off their own team in a matter of seconds. It had been unfortunate. Extremely so. And disappointing, for a variety of reasons. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They’d been lingering in the medbay for the rest of the afternoon, time bleeding over until it was evening. They knew they ought to have left hours ago, but they weren’t quite ready yet. And they didn’t want to leave their room until they were absolutely sure everyone from the facility was gone, as they were in no mood to talk to anyone. Not after their performance today. Truthfully they were looking forward to getting home, after they’d taken care of Artur they were inclined to take it easy for a while. Rest would do them some good; even though it had been hours since they still felt sore from the hunt earlier. It had been quite the beating even before Renee had gotten to them, and a bath would do them wonders to ease some of the tension, even if it could not erase their troubles.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They clenched their fists in their lap and took a deep breath, willing their headache to soften. The nurse had offered them painkillers but they’d been hesitant to take them, overcome by the desire to prove that they could still take care of themselves. It was hardly the first time they’d been injured, and they’d suffered worse injuries which they’d dealt with alone, way before they’d even started participating in the Games. So the painkillers were left discarded on the table, although Hound eyed them every so often when the tension in their head spiked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>A whistling could be heard from along the corridor, and Hound half expected it to be another nurse walking past as the noise grew louder. They did not expect to see Elliott walk into the doorway, with a smile breaking out on his face as he spotted them. “Houndie!” He exclaimed, strolling casually into the room, “I’ve been looking for you everywhere! Everyone else has gone already but the nurses said you were still about, so I figured I’d come and find you and see how you’re doing. You holding up okay? Renee got me too, oh man she was on a rampage today… I don’t know what got into her. A well deserved victory I guess.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hound felt themselves bristling slightly at his rambling. Any other time they would have welcomed his chatter, cherished it even, but at present they wanted nothing more than to be left alone; his bright and cheery disposition was not well suited to their own at this point in time, and they did not want to have to reminisce anymore on today’s game than they had to.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Her victory was hard fought.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Right? I’m gonna be carrying these bruises around for a while, next time she’s at the Lounge she’s gonna have to pay for her own drinks. But seriously though, are you okay? It’s not like you to hang around here longer than you have to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am fine Mirage, thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elliott paused at that, a little taken aback by their comment. An apology was on the tip of their tongue and yet they couldn’t bring themselves to say it, their stubborness rearing its ugly head. For a moment they wondered if he’d get upset and walk away, which they wouldn’t blame him for. But instead he closed the door to the room they were in, before walking back over to them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mirage?” He asked quietly, nudging them to scoot over as he climbed up to sit next to them on the bed. “It's just us here Houndie. You can call me Elliott.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Elliott…” They conceded, “I am quite well. I simply lost track of time.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You sure? Promise you’re not really badly hurt? I mean I saw the footage and it was pretty rough, I mean that’s gotta sting.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>In more ways than one</span>
  </em>
  <span>, they thought. It was sweet that he was so worried for them, it truly was. On any other day they would have fondly joked with him and pinched his cheek and told him that perhaps if he was so worried maybe he could kiss them better and work his magic. They would have linked their hands together and squeezed gently, a small reminder to say I am here, I am yours, I am okay. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But instead they curled their fists in their lap and started pointedly at the floor. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Mirage-” They grit out, before correcting themselves, “Elliott… I am fine. I would like to go home now.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Even with their desire to leave they didn’t move, idly hoping that Elliott might just decide to give into their wishes and leave them be, let them walk out of there alone. Instead he remained seated and put a hand on their knee to try and comfort them. “Hey… What’s wrong?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hound resisted the urge to shove his hand off. “It is nothing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“C’mon you’re gonna have to try harder than that. I know you Houndie. What is it?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It does not matter.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It does if it’s upsetting you, which it clearly is. Was it the match? Are you disappointed? Hey look you got third partied, it happens to the best of us, don’t worry about it.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It is not as simple as that.” Hound murmured, tilting their head to stare off to one side. They’d given him more information than they’d intended, confirming that there was in fact something wrong and that yes, it was related to the game. Careless of them really, but Elliott had always been good at slipping past their defenses and getting them to open up, which was always accompanied by this restless feeling that settled just under their skin - after so many years alone it was difficult to get past the anxiety of being known to someone, to have someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>see</span>
  </em>
  <span> them, all of them. They trusted Elliott without a doubt, they would not have gotten to this point with the man if they didn’t, but still. The realisation that he knew how to climb the walls they’d spent years building up was jarring sometimes. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Unfortunately his follow up response did nothing to calm them down. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“You can’t win them all babe.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I am well aware of that Elliott. Do not take me for someone so blinded by pride that I would delude myself of such a thing.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elliott blinked in surprise at the bitterness in their voice, and Hound instantly regretted their tone, not meaning to be so sharp with him. And yet despite it, Elliott didn’t complain, not that Hound would have blamed him for taking it personally. He stayed persistent though, after a few moments of thinking, his brow furrowed in thought.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“...Are you mad at Renee?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No.” Which was true. They’d meant what they’d said earlier, she had earned her victory. It was their own fault for not scanning the building before they ran in. They were impressed by the fight in her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah… You wanna give me a hint? I’m running out of ideas here.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hound said nothing. Their head was aching incessantly as the repercussions of not taking their painkillers started to truly settle in. If they’d have simply left earlier they could be home already, dealing with this alone without having bothered anyone else. Elliott finally moved his hand from their knee and took their gloved hand in his own, slowly uncurling their fingers so he could hold their hand properly. He squeezed it gently, and slowly let his thumb rub back and forth reassuringly over the fabric. Hound felt a stab of guilt rush through them at gesture, feeling undeserving of such kindness. How could he still be so sweet to them after they’d been so short with him?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“What’s wrong baby? I’m worried about you.” Elliott asked, and Hound let some of their frustration slip away, finally turning to look at him and seeing the concern maring his features. They squeezed his hand back, the simple gesture seeming to make him light up a little, knowing he was finally getting through to them. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know what my participation in the Games means to me, yes? You know how important it is that I fight.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah I remember.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hound nodded. “You must understand that I do not expect to win every match that I am in. But I have been on a particular losing streak that has been… Frustrating, to say the least.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well sure, it’s annoying to get your ass kicked, I’ve been there more times than I can count. You remember that match when the Repulsor exploded? I got my ass squarely handed to me then, it’s still one of the most embarrassing matches I’ve had to date. Though I don’t think any of us did well that day.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The day the tower had come down. Yes, that had been a uniquely bad match for them all. Although given what had happened to the tower, their poor performance had been the least of their worries. They realised that he was trying to make them feel better, but it was clear he hadn’t quite grasped what exactly had been weighing them down. “It was a unique match… But I do not refer to just one match Elliott. It has been several, and it has been unrelenting. And it is not so much losing but the way that I…”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They sighed in frustration, the sound muffled ever so slightly by their mask but still loud enough to be heard. Elliott squeezed their hand again in support, waiting for them to continue.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I have not been demonstrating my worth.” They spoke quietly, finally voicing the doubts that had been simmering away in their mind. It felt shameful in a way, to be admitting to it. They had hoped so desperately that they could improve their performance so they would never have to acknowledge how lacklustre their recent matches had been, and yet it had been one bad thing after another, until they’d reached this point where they had to come to terms with their faults.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Elliott seemed confused by this, his brows scrunched up and his head slightly tilted. “What are you on about?” He asked, as though such a thing was unthinkable, “Of course you have, you’re one of the best opponents out there, you’re renowned! Anyone is excited to be on a squad with you, I mean, you’ve won so many championships! Think about how often you get kill leader! Ask any of the others and I’m sure they’d agree.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>His eagerness to recount their victories was sweet, and made them smile a little under the mask. His enthusiasm for their success had confused them a little at first, particularly when they’d been on opposing teams - how could he be so happy for them when their victory signified his loss? But they supposed that he had always cared more about the victory, whereas they took more meaning from the loss. Which was the problem they had now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Elliott... If you were to lose several matches in a row, in which you are among the first to be killed, what does that mean for you? What are the consequences that come of that?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He took a moment to think about it. “Uhhh… I guess people getting pissed cause I lost them bets? Cussing me out at the bar?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But for you? What is the worst part of it for you?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I mean it sucks letting people down. I don’t like disappointing people, or having them suddenly hate me just because I did badly.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bloodhound hummed. “When things go badly for you, it is your adoration at stake, yes? The regard in which others hold you. Reputation. It is not like that for me… When I perform badly it is so much more than that.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their whole body seemed to thrum with energy, and they weren’t sure if it was leftover adrenaline or anxiety or nerves, but it was making them start to spill out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My purpose in this life, what I am here for, what I am created to do... When I perform as poorly as I have been I am a disappointment to not only myself but to the Allfather and the rest of the Gods. I am supposed to honour them and instead I am only bringing them shame. To be consistently blindsighted and taken out in matches over and over, knowing that I am falling far from what is expected of me...It is frustrating and disparaging in a way that you will never understand Elliott.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They let go of his hand and averted their gaze. It had not been their plan to lay open their hurt like this, yet there it was, out in the open. One of the screens in the room was showing highlights from the match earlier, and Hound let out a deep sigh. “What must they think of me? To see me make such careless mistakes when I should know better. Do they still find me worthy of fighting in their name? I have spent so many years hunting for them, to bring them honour and in the hope that my ancestors look down on me with pride. And yet…” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They glanced at the screen and saw a clip of a team fighting at Harvester, whilst Elliott followed their gaze to watch too. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“My shortcomings have also been a hideous reminder of other regrets. When I lay bleeding out, I can no longer hear the gunfire. The only sound to me is the racing of my own heart and it does not matter where I lay, because when I look up, all I see is the fire being pulled into the sky. I see the way the land is being torn apart, piece by piece, I can feel its pain as its being devoured. It is my home and it is being ripped apart like vultures feasting on remains, and I know that soon enough there will be nothing left but bones. Nature will always do what it can to survive, it will bend and waver and change, but I have seen first hand all that they have done to get in its path. They will eradicate it all if it serves their purpose.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The name went unmentioned, but they both knew who Hound was referring to. The rocket ship that was waiting to launch a constant, looming reminder of their presence across the games and the Outlands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Talos was such a beautiful place once…” They whispered, memories of their youth playing in their mind, the heartache of them stronger than ever. “So when I lay bleeding out I know I have disappointed my Gods and when I look up at the orange sky I can only pray that they will forgive me for not stopping this destruction.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, there was quiet. The distant sounds of medical equipment beeping from other rooms, along with the dimmed sounds from the TV were the only noises in the room as the weight of their grief seemed to settle around them. They’d stowed this hurt away for so long that they weren’t sure whether letting it out in the open had helped to ease it, or deepen it. They felt almost light-headed, although they were sure that was to do with them not taking their painkillers. Elliott remained silent next to them, and Hound realised they’d given him a lot to take in, having gone from denying anything was wrong to letting it all come out. There was a spike of anxiety that they couldn’t shake, knowing that they’d bared themselves to him like this. Letting people in had always been difficult. Love, that was something they could give easily, loving Elliott was one of the easiest things they’d ever done, they did not struggle to love him even with his faults. They only worried that one day, he would not be able to see past their own.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Houndie…?” Elliott eventually offered up, and they turned to look back at him, wondering what they would see. He looked worried, first and foremost, but there was a gentleness there that made something warm bloom inside them.  </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I… Okay, so I might mess this up. In fact, I probably will so please just bear with me? Okay? So uh… First things first. You’ve had some bad matches. You know that they won’t always be that way, right? Sometimes it’s just out of your control.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“That does not stop it from being frustrating.” They countered.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“No no no, I understand that, I’m not dispu-dispa- I’m not saying that! But if you’re worried that the Gods suddenly hate you, I mean, you messing up a couple of matches doesn’t discredit the honour you’ve brought them in all the other games, right? Everything you’ve already done before doesn’t suddenly vanish because you’re down on your luck. And think about all the stuff you’ve done outside the ring. It’s like you said, you’ve spent so much of your life fighting for them, you’ve dedicated so much to them, and I can’t say I know exactly what they want from you but I don’t believe that they’d suddenly be angry with you or displeased because you’re having a bad streak. It could be a test of some sorts! You know like giving you really difficult opponents because you have to overcome hardships or something. Maybe? I don’t know.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He let out a little sigh as he reached to take their hand again, holding it tightly in his own. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“But what I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>know is that at the end of the day, you’re only human. Not every game is gonna be your best each time. And it's not your fault, you might be completely on your mark but you'll be unlucky with the ring placement, or you’ll get third partied, or there won’t be any decent loot around. There could be a hundred different things that happen that aren’t your fault. But even if you’re just having a bad day, if you’re missing shots for no good reason, that’s okay! You’re allowed to do that. You might be the hunter the Gods have sent, but you’re human and you make mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad fighter or that you’re not demo-dema- ugh, showing your worth. You’ve already proven yourself, that’s not something that’s gonna change no matter what. And I’m not saying you can’t be frustrated, you can be, we all get pissed off about doing badly. But don’t think that you’re suddenly not good enough or that you’ve failed the Gods in some way cause you haven’t. I’m sure that they’re just as proud of you as I am.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you know that?” Hound whispered, their voice trembling slightly as they took in everything he’d said.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Houndie,” Elliott said softly, a smile on his face, “how could they not be?”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He briefly looked over at the door to check that it was still closed and seeing that it was, leant forward and pressed a gentle kiss to their respirator. Their breath hitched, the sheer amount of love they had for this man making their heart race. They let go of his hand so they could cup his face, thumbs gently stroking over his cheeks in adoration, as they rested their mask against his forehead when he eventually pulled back from kissing them.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Elskan…” They breathed, voice thick. “I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He seemed almost embarrassed by that, a flush coming to his cheeks, as though after all this time he still wasn’t used to being completely, genuinely loved by someone. “I love you too.” He replied, leaning into their touch.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“And about Talos…” He said, being serious for a moment, “I’m sorry. What’s happening there isn’t your fault. Nobody here likes Hammond, I don’t think anyone trusts them. Something will stop them, someday soon, I’m sure of it. I know it doesn’t fix the damage they’ve already done, or bring back the people you’ve lost because of them, but something will change. It has to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Bloodhound hummed, only hoping Elliott was right. Nature would revolt eventually. They would pay for what they’d done to Talos, and to all the other worlds they had infected. And Hound would be ready to watch as it happened.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I was unkind to you earlier.” They said, feeling a little ashamed for the way they had snapped at him when he was only trying to find out what was wrong. “I’m sorry kærasti.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s okay Houndie, I know this wasn’t easy for you. You’re forgiven.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He smiled reassuringly at them, and it put their mind at ease. He turned to press a kiss to their palm before he pulled away from them and stood up from the bed, taking a moment to stretch a little. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Let’s not worry about it anymore for today. You wanna get out of here?” He asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Will you join me?” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“If you want me to.”</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“I do.” They said, finally standing up from the bed. They could think of nothing they wanted more than to lay with him on their sofa and kiss him properly, to hold him in their arms where they could make him feel how loved he was, and how loved he made them feel in return. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>He waited for them to join him, reaching out for the door handle. “Let’s go home.” He said as he opened the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>“Home.” They agreed, as the pair of them exited the room and made their way out of the building. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Their homeland may have been on its way to complete and utter ruin. They knew that there was the possibility that one day they might not be able to ever return to it. But if that day ever came, they only hoped that Elliott would still be by their side. As long as they had him, there would always be a home to go to. Always.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>y'all i tried so hard to get this out before season 7 dropped and i DID IT, i'm about to go wave goodbye to kings canyon, see you all on the other side!!</p>
<p>please leave comments! y'alls comments make my absolute day &lt;3 </p>
<p>my tumblr is <a href="http://doubletaptrigger.tumblr.com">doubletaptrigger</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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